146 - Caca Rouge (Lush Review)

I think this might be a review in two installments. One now and one in a few weeks time after the hair has settled or whatever it is it might be doing.

Lush's 'Caca' range is simply henna hair colouring.

I know what you're thinking. Anyone who has heard of henna has heard the horror stories. Hair falling out or burning, disintegrating or turning green. And yes, that does happen, if you use the wrong kind of henna.

Yes, I've done my research.

The wrong kind of henna would be any henna that comes in bottles, packaged up with such things as a bottle of developer, or anything to mix with it, like regular hair dyes do. Those 'henna' dyes rarely even contain henna in the slightest amount. 'Henna' with added metallic compounds are the ones that do the most damage. If you're going to try henna make sure you know whats in it. For example, added silver compounds turns hair (especially already dyed hair) green, while added copper compound will actually dissolve your hair and burn your scalp. Not an attractive look. So DO NOT BUY HENNA WITHOUT CHECKING THE INGREDIENTS FIRST.

There are two safe ways of using henna, as far as I am sure of. You can buy tattoo-quality powdered henna, which is purely the henna plant all ground up. You have to add your own oils,etc, to make it work properly. Anyone that will sell this top notch henna will give you full instructions on what to do and how to do it. You're more likely to find such people on the internet, but do be very careful and check what they are selling. Remember you want the powder stuff, not bottles of developer.

Or if you want an easy, simple, cost effective way to do it, go to Lush. They sell their henna already mixed with essential oils and butter, compounded into a dry-but-slightly-oily brick. It looks like a giant chocolate bar, but really doesn't smell like one. They come in four shades...

Actually, that reminds me, henna ONLY comes in red and variations of red. If you see anything claiming to be henna that is blonde or blue or crazy non-red/brown then DON'T GET IT. It's one of those metallic compound ones. In fact, even black henna isn't 100% henna... but black henna is safe... allow me to continue...

Where was I? Oh, yes, four shades. Caca Brun is the mellow, subtle brown one. Caca Maron is like a chestnutty, mahogany, dark reddish brown. Caca Rouge is the red one, which they actually tell people to only get if they want their hair RED! And Caca Noir is henna and indigo (another plant) which can make your hair black with either purple/blue hints or red hints, depending on whether you let it dry or keep it wet and warm during the development time.

You should also know that Henna doesn't work like ordinary dyes. It stains the hair and the end result will be relative to your natural or previous colour. For example, Caca Rouge on dark brown hair will make it deep chocolate brown with reddish highlights in the sun. Caca Rouge on blonde or grey hair will turn it vibrant ginger. This works really great it you have a few stray strands of grey hair of old highlights on dark hair, as these will turn gingery red while the rest will go brown. I will, however, warn people with blonde or grey roots that it WILL turn your roots ginger, and leave the rest of your hair dark. It will look silly. So go for Caca Marun or Brun or Noir instead.

Henna colour is permanent.
Once you put the slop on your hair it takes AT LEAST one hour to develop, but they recommend 4 hours 'officially', but the majority of Lush Henna people will say to leave it on longer, or even overnight. Why? Well, because it's like a mud mask for your hair as well as a hair dye! It leaves your hair thicker, softer, less likely to tangle, easier to manage... it's really amazing stuff, so why wouldn't you leave it on for as long as possible? It's GOOD for your hair!

I will say that it is very messy and very tedious to prepare it. You will need help (thank you again, Laura) if your hair is longer than a few inches.

It is definitely worth it, though.

As with everything, if you are going to henna your hair, get instructions (provided by lovely Lush staff) and stick to them. Trust me.

143 - Henna

I thought I'd be daring and try a Lush henna hair dye, which I'll review tomorrow maybe. I just wanted to let you guys know about the timescale. Today is Henna Day. It needs a whole day. All times are approximates.



15:00
Begin preperation of henna to be used, including just 2/3 of henna block needing to be grated up (it took 30 mins) and mixing it with boiled water before bringing it back to heat over a pot of boiling water.


16:00
Beginning application of whole head of henna.


17:10
Application complete.


22:05
Begin removal of henna and shampooing four times.


22:40
Hair finally clean!

00:45
Still not dry, but looking rather ginger-fade-to-brown. Interesting result. Not what expected. Will update tomorrow as henna can continue to develope for 24 hours after. I wouldn't mind if it stayed this way. I'm thinking I need a hair cut though. Maybe.

140 - Bulging?!

There's a new show on over here called Bulging Brides. The new thing from the States. They find women who have an upcoming wedding and need to lose some weight. I watched one episode.

It's disgusting.

The woman had a body to be envious of. A size TEN for crying out loud. And they told her she needed to shape up and lose a few inches to make her dress look right. So for six weeks they put her on a diet and a training regime and she lost something like 3 inches off her waist and one off her chest and hips.

I felt like throwing my TV out the window. And I don't mean in a hardcore rocker kind of way.

The girl was just over 150lbs and 5'6 tall. That's NORMAL. That's HEALTHY. And they told her she was chunky and she lost THREE FRICKIN INCHES! I'm all for losing weight to feel or look better but seriously? And they wonder why people have eating disorders!

134 - Lowering The Standards

It's 4am and I can't sleep. My mind is too busy, so I thought I'd let it all out here. I'm guessing this will piss some people off but I don't mean it to. Anyone that reads this (all four of you) will hear it all sooner or later anyway, and I really need to get it off my chest now.

To cut a long story short, my boyfriend started telling me about a night out a long time ago that he referred to as "the best evening ever" because of all the "hot girls". I was fine with the part about partying with transvestites and crazy people with guns. I was even OK with the thought that a bunch of strippers - who happened to be colleagues of his friend's wife - got their tits out to show off their boob jobs.

My curiosity plummeted when his "best evening ever" ended with him getting laid with one of the sluts. I mean, strippers. Wait, what's the difference? Oh, right, one gets paid.

I know every person above the age of, say, 25 has been with a bunch of people in their lives, of course. That's not the issue. We've talked about exes before, extensively, without a hint of resentment.

Let me just add in here that the last few days my confidence and self esteem has been floating somewhere around my ankles.

Now, I know he didn't mean any harm by it and even said he wished he hadn't mentioned it at all (right before he fell asleep... lucky for some) but that doesn't make it easier on my mind. My mind has still drawn a spider diagram in a notebook, with the words "stripper", "laid", "hot girls", my boyfriend's name and the quoted "best evening ever" all circled and joined to each other, and if you turn over the page there I am, connected up with "fat", "inexperienced" and "sorry excuse for a female".

My self-esteem is now ground into the carpet.

I'm taking bets on how long it will be before I can look in the mirror and like or even accept what I see. This morning the running average was two weeks. Now, I'm not so sure.

109 - The Natural Look

Specific make-up colours and textures, careful balances of neutral shades of layers of foundation, blusher, eyeshadows and so on. All to look like you're not wearing make-up?

I don't get it.

If I put on fifteen layers and a guy said to me, "wow, you're so naturally beautiful" I think I'd be offended.

092 - Change of Pace

I removed my little weight chart thinger. Why? My head's just not in it right now. Mostly because I really don't like my Weight Watchers class leader. Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard, and she gets her facts wrong all the time. Useless. So I'm not going to spend €10 a week just to weigh myself and listen to a woman that doesn't know what she's talking about.

I'm going to do things differently. I'm going to keep eating healthily, but I'm not going to obsess over it. I'll drink diet and zero drinks, I'll not eat chocolate or pizza or pop tarts.... sigh.... and I'll see where I am in maybe a month or so. Watch this space.

085 - Stretch Marks

"OH EM GEE! Did she just say stretch marks?!!??!"

Yes. Yes I did. I've talked about fat asses this week because I've grown to love mine and I thought everyone else should too. One thing I've really really hated for a long time and have never talked about before is stretch marks. My stretch marks.

Deep breath.

I have stretch marks on my tummy, my hips, the backs of my thighs, the backs of my knees (yeah OK, what?), my boobs, and on my upper arms. The only ones that really really make me stress are the ones on my arms, because they're the ones people can see in the Summer when I wear sleeveless tops.

I'm one of the people who always associated stretch marks with old age, bad skin and pregnancy, so I've not even admitted to having them until now. Not to the outside world, anyway. It was always just so embarrassing!

So, I was watching that How To Look Good Naked crap and for once I didn't want to slap that Gok fella. (Let's face it, he's really irritating and extremely hypocritical. He was a fat kid who lost a ton of weight to look good, can't even look at his old photos, and he's making a living off of telling women they don't need to change how they look and should be happy with their bodies.) He said how 78% of women have stretch marks.

78% of women have stretch marks.

That's almost 4 of every 5 women look like a kid drew train tracks over their skin. I wonder how far a train would go if you laid all the women together...

OK, mind wandering now...

Only one member of Girls Aloud DOESN'T have stretch marks. Hah! That's a satisfying thought!

Not only that, but it really made me realise how these women get their stretch marks. Yes, some just have skin prone to it, some have had kids, but quite a lot come from weight loss or gain, which almost every woman goes through, and even puberty. Yep, that's when mine started showing up for sure. Just getting taller and growing can give teenage girls stretch marks.

Amazing, isn't it? So many women have them that saying "I hate my stretch marks" is like saying "I hate having dry skin" or "I hate having dark hair".

Look around you, girls. The woman right next to you probably has them too.

For the guys that have them, I wouldn't know where to start to talk about it. Like I said before, most people associate stretch marks with being pregnant, so that in itself is potentially demeaning for a guy. There is the thought that guys are less sensitive to body issues and lacking self-confidence, which I think is total bull. Guys just don't complain as much as we do. That doesn't mean they don't get self-conscious.

Guys get stretch marks from growing and weight fluctuation just like women do. And if women have a hard enough time dealing with them, imagine what it's like for the men.

But, men + stretch marks = taboo.

Or so it seems.

Hey, why don't we just call them Growth Scars instead?

And to all the women without stretch marks.... just you wait.... just.... wait...

084 - Blonde

Do blonds have more fun? If so, why?

And which is really [stereotypically] better? Blonds, with the fun, beauty, carefree attitudes, easy raunchy sexiness (uhm...), more likely to get their own way (apparently...)

Or brunettes, with the sophistication, mystery (I don't know... I'm writing what I've been reading), intelligence (again... don't hate me), respect...?

Or, indeed, redheads, who are reportedly scary, fiery, sassy, with mean attitudes. And I'm not arguing there at all. I doubt any of my ginger... I mean, redheaded friends... would disagree.

Which is more attractive, on men or women, and why? Which will get you further in life? Which will earn the right kind of attention? Just go with the questioning, I'm not saying there is really a ranking... or, does that mindset make me brunette anyway?

082 - Love Your Lardy Butt!

I was going to say "Love your curves" but if you're like me, you'll read the word "curves" and think, "I have curves... lots of curves... rolls of them!" So, here goes...

Love your fat ass.
Love all your lumps and bumps, love handles and turkey thighs.

The number of good male friends I have with girlfriends: 5
The number of those girlfriends that are a size 18 and over: 4

The number of size 16+ girls I know: 5 (not the same girls)
Number of them with boyfriends: 5

(See the pattern yet?)

Number of single guy friends: 15
Number of those single guy friends that are gay (in the name of accuracy): 3
Number of those single guy friends that say their perfect woman is size 16+: 10
Number of those single guy friends that say their perfect woman is size 20+: 8

Ladies, big bums and hips are sexy. My friends are sweet, charming, loving, [somewhat] gentle men, so if you've come across guys and girls who have said they don't like bulge, well, you're talking to the wrong guys, and they're probably pond scum.

C'mon, imagine the last guy to tell you you're not attractive... pond scum, right? You're too good to date that anyway.

The bottom line is, if you're not happy with yourself, you CAN change... but you really don't need to.

Unless you're 400lbs and riddled with diabetes or something... then your lardy butt might be killing you. Just a thought.

080 - Does Size Matter?

This blog is not suitable for kids or the innocent...

I've written a few blogs now about beauty and appearances, social acceptance and expectations when it comes to the female physical form. I've not said anything about the guys.

I have a very good friend... let's call him "Tiny"... who, despite being extremely tall and possibly seeming quite intimidating at first because of it, his penis is actually smaller than your average big toe.

Now now, don't hate me, just let me explain.

He likes being teased for it. Not many people know about his little mister, as far as I'm aware, but he really does love the humiliation. Each to their own, whatever floats your boat, etc. etc. Some people like bondage, he likes being laughed at.

So, partly per his request, this goes out to the girls (and guys) with opinions on the subject. Does size matter? Do the girls who say "No it doesn't" have a limit, a minimum size before it is actually too small? Has anyone ever had a tiny lover that was better than a larger one? Or larger guys that were just crap? Or is anyone just not satisfied with anything smaller than a battering ram?

Don't hold back now...

074 - Lush Love

I went for almost a year without buying Lush products. Ok, maybe not a year, but it was a very long time that felt like a year! I can't even remember the last things I bought, since I had won two of their Facebook competitions and I'm still working my way through what I got.

This week I've been in Lush three times. I bought Lemony Flutter (cuticle butter) the first time, Goth Juice (hair gel) the second time and got some Jungle (solid hair conditioner) for free, and then the third time I traded in 5 Black Pots for a free face mask. See, I only wanted the free face mask the previous two visits but they had none I wanted so I had to keep coming back. I got my A Crash Course In Skincare, the face mask that is now sadly retired, and an ickle Vit E toner tab, because the little girly boy said to, and my sister loves her toner tabs.

All in all...

I love Lush. And I smell like Lush now too. Yay!

071 - Dream Cream (Lush Review)

Lush cite their Dream Cream hand and body lotion as "as good as it gets." It's also their best selling product, so I thought my probably regular reviews of Lush stuff should start there.

The first thing you notice is the scent. It's is strong and I understand how it might not be for everyone. Lavender, chamomile and rose make you feel like you've just fallen face first into a summer flowerbed. I wasn't too fond of the scent at first, but after I used it for the first time I couldn't leave it alone.

It really is a little pot of comforting, soothing magic. Use it on red and blotchy skin after you shave or wax, on dry patches and any kind of irritation, or all over your body if you really want to indulge. Its soothing effect is almost instant. I used this when I waxed my eyebrows (but only a little, as it is a hand and body lotion and will sit heavy and greasy if you use it as a face moisturiser - remember, the skin on your face is very different to the rest of you) and within a minute the redness vanished and the itching stopped. It's also great to soften tight scars and stop them from cracking.

If you like floral scents, get it.

If you want something to cool and calm skin that makes you want to cry, get it.

070 - Teeth

No, not the movie. Don't see that. Or, do, if you want an awkward laugh.

I'm talking about the dental kind, and in particular those people who don't brush their teeth. That annoys me. I mean, how hard is it to brush your teeth for two minutes twice a day?

I don't care if your teeth fall out from rot (which they will eventually) but what does bug me is when people who clearly haven't brushed their teeth talk to me. Or come within two .... three feet of me and mouth-breath. The smell of bad breath is the worst smell in the world. It actually makes me cringe and sometimes makes me feel sick.

Don't think people can't tell, because they can. Or, I can at least. Remember, I have a super sense of smell. Unfortunately. I'm like a frickin werewolf. Oh, and chewing gum doesn't work. It lasts a few minute before the stink of a day or two of food, drink and anything else you've been injesting comes creeping back out of your gob like a vile, acidic monster. Ugh, and don't get me started on Juicy Fruit gum. That stuff smells worse than the breath it's meant to cover up.

Hell, do what I do and brush your teeth before leaving the house, especially in you plan on being all up in someone's personal space. That very much includes sitting next to someone on a bus or trying to sell someone something.

Maybe I like the smell of toothpaste too much, too. Mint is easily in my top 5 smells. Bad breath, top 3 worst ones, next to vomit and poop. It's like bad breath is vomit in gas form.

Eeeeuuuuuuuggggghhhhh

BRUSH YOUR FRICK TEETH, PEOPLE! We're not in the middle ages any more. You have no excuse.

069 - Pandora

You've heard of the Pandora jewellery, right? If not, I'll explain in a second.

Everywhere I go I've been seeing Pandora bracelets. A few months ago I came across them once in a blue moon, and now they're everywhere. They even have cheaper versions that are "Pandora-like" but not actually Pandora.

Pandora make charm bracelets. They make other jewellery but their charm bracelets are what they're most noted for. I've always thought that while they were extortionately expensive they are very pretty. So I thought I'd take a look at the website.

You can buy bracelets full of charms already if you want to - though I don't know why you would - like this one, for GBP£860. Yes, most of that is glass and silver...

Why I like Pandora stuff is because they have every kind of charm imaginable. They have glass ones and enamel ones in any colour and pattern you could want. There are themed ones too. The one on the left, for example, is a silver bunch of flowers with 'Love' on a gold label. How adorable?! That one's £35. And it serves perfectly for what I'm getting at. There is also a little silver suitcase which is so cute! And various animals, toys, etc.

The bracelet without the beads can cost between £35 and £250 depending of what you want it made of (they do leather chord right the way up to 14k gold).

What I'm trying to say is, guys, (namely, one little brother of mine who might be stuck for romantic ideas in the near future and I'll forget about this kind of thing when/if he asks) for not too much money (unless you're broke, in which case never mind, but in case you wanted to do something nice) you can get a girl a bunch of roses (that would die in a week or two) a box of chocolates (that once you leave her alone will last about thirty seconds) and a teddy... which is awesome anyway...

OR, you can buy her something like a charm bracelet, just the bracelet with one or two charms. You'd be buying something more romantic that would last, and giving her the beginnings of a tradition. You could buy her a new charm for any special occasion... graduation, engagement, special birthday, marriage, kids, travelling... Hell, how awesome would one of these be instead of a promise ring? (That's what all the kids are doing these days, right?)

Just, make sure she's the right girl. Otherwise it'd be kinda sucky.

Alright, alright, all I've managed to do is convince myself that this sort of idea would be great as a sub-subplot for one of my stories... moving on...

066 - Yay, Cheese and Cheese

I can breathe a sigh of relief today. I was scared about going to a new beauty clinic to get my eyebrows done in case they messed up. It's like going to a new hairdresser and not knowing if they're any good or not beforehand. Well, they didn't mess up my eyebrows. They're different, sure, but not bad different. Just different different.

I also had the best tasting cheesecake I've ever had. Mannings Bakery (found in Blanchardstown Shopping Centre, or The Square, Tallaght, or Thomas Street, Dublin 8) have little tub cheesecakes that are really really really good. I had the strawberry one but I'm sure the others are great too. I think they have vanilla and lemon or something.

Despite having huge cheeseburger last week, with chunky chips, I still lost weight. See, this is why I love Weightwatchers. You can eat whatever you want. It's all about when and how much, and controlling what else you eat too.

057 - High Heel Damage

I don't wear heels, but always said I wish I could. I never wore them because of my height and general lack of balance. Now, I'm glad I never got to.

034 - Profile View

Have you ever looked in the mirror and spotted something new, something different, that you really really hate? You know, something that you never noticed before, perhaps, or something that just never bothered you before.

I looked in the mirror and now I hate my nose.

I've never really been bothered by it before, but it really is a hideous lump in the middle of my face. I was once told I had my father's nose. Well, my father's nose was broken when he was a child and since then has sat crooked. Gee, thanks. But no, my nose is at least vertical. It is, however, a bit too big, and has a horrible bump. When I say bump I mean a mountain. Gah.

Maybe if I break it I'll have to get it fixed up all nice. It's been known to happen to other people!

I'm joking, really.

024 - Smell Of Work

I was reminded yesterday of when my little sister and I were young and we would get a hug off one of our parents. Occasionally - say, if our dad was working in the garden - he would really stink of sweat, and when we would complain he would tell us off because it was 'the smell of work' we were complaining about. Even at the time I was not too convinced of what he was saying.

I've always had a sensitive nose. I'm usually first to notice when the toast is burning or when the dog has had an accident.

Why am I talking about this? Well, between then nasty sweaty guy that sat beside me on the bus, and one of my housemates that doesn't wash very often, and the frequent whiff of people passing on the street... sigh.

I just want to be able to tell people to wash, and to wear deodorant and not be afraid of using too much of it because if they stink there really is no such thing as too much.

If work smells like B.O. I'd rather lazy or plain old unemployed people in my personal space, any day of the week.

022 - Imperfection

It's something no one wants and everyone fights against. Even I, who has always been proud of quite a few of my quirks, has plenty more that I would change in an instant if I could.

My nose has an ugly bump that I hate.
I have a chickenpox scar on my forehead, on my nose and on my temple.
My feet are a frustrating size... I fit wide 8 or regular 9, but I know of only one shop that stocks either of these.
My legs are 34” long, making them one inch longer than long length bottoms.
My ass is huge and my belly is shameful.
I have a scar on my back that looks like I had a tail removed.
My right eye has a little peanut shape of brown on the white and I don't know why.
My hair... god, don't get me started on my hair.

Would I change any of these things?

No, because they make me who I am.

Yes, because I want to be 'perfect me' just like anyone else does.

There is no right answer.

003 - Face Value

"A person is only beautiful when their own beauty is reflecting on to others."

- Tara Grady

*****

It's not usually something I dwell on, but several separate conversations and topics over the last few days have revolved around natural beauty and Hollywood beauty, and what people perceive as a standard of attractiveness.

I've always believed that every single person is beautiful to someone, somewhere. Some people have the kind of face or features or body that turn more heads than not, but those kind of people probably count for about 5% of the population. The rest of us, well, we're beautiful to a more select group of people. At least, that's what I've always thought.

Unfortunately it's obvious that mentality isn't shared by everyone.

I guess you could say this is a blast against the media in general; the people behind the cameras and the magazines, the make-up artists and plastic surgeons. Somewhere along the line in the past 30 years or so the public perception of what is beautiful or ideal - what is or should be attractive to the opposite sex - has changed, and it's still changing.

We are lead to believe that what men want is something women simply cannot deliver. At least, not without sacrificing one's health or genetic make-up.

OK, so not every woman would want to change their face structure or their body to get a man, but what about the women that plaster several layers of make-up on before leaving the house? If we're not expected to change our bodies to look like Megan Fox or Lindsey Lohan, are we expected to at least slap on the war paint? Very few women survive without at least a little bit of make-up, which is something I've always known but only recently started to wonder, why? Is turning your face into a work of art really going to make you more attractive to the opposite sex? Or does it say you're trying too hard? If that's the case, is there such a thing as trying too little? Should women always have some sort of mask, some ounce of falseness, to be beautiful?

If the answer is no, then why are images and ideas that skinny, tanned, toned, pouting young women what men really want?