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Has anyone else ever come to the conclusion that they're actually probably a little bit psychotic?
I was sitting on the bus yesterday evening, thinking about anything that ran through my head and I realised that most of what I thought about probably wasn't that normal. Then, of course, I started wondering what a normal thought process actually is.It wasn't until today though, that I was watching a TV show and on that TV show was a guy that was obviously psychotic... and I could draw quite a few lines of similarity between us. That can't be a good thing, surely.
I've always known I've had problems with my temper, though some instances are better than others. A lot of the time I can let things pass, just let go of whatever it is that annoys me. But other times things get blown way out of control. Maybe I'm too sensitive to situations or emotions and just can't get over the small things as easily as I should be able to.
I don't know. I've never asked anyone about their mental state before for comparison.
With me, it seems to be a bit all-or-nothing. I have a few very close friends, and hardly any acquaintances, which seems to reflect the all-or-nothing idea. When I meet someone new I throw everything into the friendship/relationship, totally open, completely devoted to having fun and getting to know the person. Sometimes this works, like when the other person actually likes having the opportunity to talk to someone new so easily, or to spend so much time with someone. Sometimes it falls on it's ass, like when people can't handle the full-on attention, or of they just think I'm a bit much. The worst part, however, is when everything is fine and rosy for the first while and then things fall apart. I think because I put so much into such relationships there's so much to lose, so much to damage when things turn sour.
Things turn sour very easily, though, which brings me back to the all-or-nothing, easily-wounded idea. I get upset or angered at the smallest of things and I really shouldn't. I should let things go rather than dwelling on the small things. Maybe I shouldn't put so much of myself into new friendships and relationships so easily.
I hope that all that makes some sort of sense...
It's hard to say whether you get upset/angered too easily from an outsiders perspective. I mean, I'd hate to say that someone shouldn't feel the way they do, when it's an honest emotion, you know? But if it's making you unhappy in general and you feel like it's driving people away, then perhaps. I'm not sure how exactly you can change something like that about yourself though... probably it's mostly that you have to adjust how you react to feeling upset/angry, not so much just "not feeling it". I don't think it would work to ignore the feelings.
ReplyDeleteVery insightful. Always take a step back and gain perspective on what emotion you are feeling and why. Explore. The most honest aspect of a human being is their emotion. In its own way, it tells us who we are, what we are all about and what we can't deny.
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